baseline (I think).

Drove up to Posh Clinic today for baseline labs and scan. I got the nurse who despises the Menopur Q-Caps today. She couldn't find my uterus for the longest time. I don't exactly understand why or how that works, but I'd reminded her that I only had a right ovary, and after a while she said (without a hint of humor in her voice), "You still have your uterus, though, right?"

These are not things that instill confidence in a woman, I tell you what.

Eventually she located it. But this isn't the interesting part.

The interesting part is that I had an AFC of 8. It doesn't sound like a lot, but my last attempt at IVF, I only had an AFC of 6. An AFC of 8 isn't so bad for a single ovary, especially when you're a woman of a certain age.

This would've been good news except for the fact that I have two other follies, a 13 and a 10. They may be left over from the last cycle, or they may be early growers. If they ARE leftovers, and they resolves themselves or don't grow anymore and some of the 8 babies DO grow, I should be fine. Or, even if they do grow but the 8 babies also grow, I should be fine. 

But if the two big guys grow and none of the little guys grow, I'm looking at being canceled.

Anti Q-Caps asks me, "If your retrieval is canceled, do you still want to do the FET with the donor embryos?"

Well, shit.

I don't know. I don't want to wait any more. I am ready to be a mother. Like, now.

But, um, that AFC of 8? That's a good thing, right? That's...potential.

WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

Anti Q-Caps was asking a lot of questions I wasn't sure how to answer. Like, how many of the donor embies do I want to thaw? How many do I want to transfer? I kept saying, "I don't know, it depends on what happens with my cycle."

They're bringing me back in on Friday for more blood work and another scan. Until then, I'm to take my meds as prescribed by Dr. Smiles.

Here's the protocol for this cycle so far. I'm including it because whenever I read infertility blogs I always want to know what drugs people are doing and why.

• Doxycycline, 100 MG twice daily for 10 days
• Microdose Lupron, 20 IUs twice daily until told to stop
• Menopur, 4 vials twice daily until told to stop

That's it (for now). I'll keep updating meds as this cycle progresses. 

And I hope it keeps progressing. Because if we have to make that call - whether or not to go ahead with the FET if our retrieval gets nixed - 

That's a really hard decision to make, is all I'm saying.