Thursday, September 24, 2015


Baby's size: Pineapple or coconut (so, making a pina colada in there?)

Next appointment: 10/1

Total weight gain: 55.6 lbs. Holding steady-ish.

Exercise: Still moving pretty well. Mr. Hope and I are joining the Y this weekend so I hope to be logging some pool time soon.

Sleep: Has been disrupted this week due to intense carpal tunnel pain. Like, the kind that makes you sob (and no, I'm not being a drama queen). Relief is on the way, though - I'm getting cortisone shots in my wrists on Monday.

Food cravings: Cheese and crunchy things.

Symptoms: Heartburn is making a comeback! Maybe this means the Jellybean will be born with a nice head o' hair?

What I'm loving: My husband. He's been such a great source of support and really stepping up his game around the house.

What I'm not loving: Pain. Discomfort. The fact that I've been unable to enjoy the majority of my pregnancy. I got robbed, yo.

What I'm looking forward to: Is it too early to say giving birth? Or, more accurately, evicting the Jellybean from my uterus?

Best moment this week: It's selfish but getting the call today that an ortho would be willing to treat the carpal tunnel. On Tuesday Dr. Direct said that the shots would help and be safe for baby, but good luck finding a doctor who'll touch a pregnant woman. But then I did. When the nurse told me they could get me in Monday I almost cried.

Tuesday, September 22, 2015


Today marks one year since I started this blog.

It's kind of crazy to me just how much my life has changed in the past 365 days. I mean, I went from being this barren, bitter infertile to an expectant mother nearing her 31st week of pregnancy. After 4+ years of TTC, I'm finally (!) about to become a parent.

After such an epic journey, why do I still feel woefully underprepared?

Maybe it's because I'm about 5-9 weeks away from delivering and still do not have the nursery put together. Or maybe it's because I'm about 5-9 weeks from delivering and I haven't written out my birth plan, packed my hospital bag, met with the estate attorney, or any of the 500 other things I wanted to do before the Jellybean arrived.

The baby will come. He will come no matter how much stuff I have or haven't done. I know this. I know that Mr. Hope and I will be enough. Even if nothing is organized. Even if the crib still doesn't have a mattress.

We will love him and care for him. That is what he really needs.

Even though my BP is holding steady and my weight is down and my blood sugars are gorgeous and there is not even a spec of protein in my urine, today Dr. Direct informed me that if I do not go into labor prior to 37 weeks, or require an intervention before then, this is when she'd like to induce. I am not sure how I feel about this. Induction requires pitocin, most likely, which requires a constant IV drip (more fluids, yay!).

But also:

Shouldn't we wait until Jellybean is ready to be born?

I asked her about the delayed cord clamping today. She said if the baby is full term, delayed cord clamping is not recommended because it causes some disorder, the name of which I cannot remember. But I've read it's recommended no matter what the age of the baby. Who do I trust? Dr. Direct? Dr. Google?

So many questions. So few answers.

It's a little maddening, I tell you what.

I have about five blog posts started but not completed. Post about my surprise shower, about my meeting with the lactation consult they call the Breast Whisperer (no, I am not making that up), about Mr. Hope's and my first birth class, about the excruciating pain my hands are currently in.

All in due time.

For now I will say this:

It's been a year, and I would rather be where I am right in this moment in time - even in pain, even in uncertainty, even in mild fear - than where I was when I started this blog.

I'm grateful for the journey, but so so so excited about the destination.

Thursday, September 17, 2015


Baby's size: Large cabbage or cucumber.

Next appointment: 9/22 (had one today, too)

Total weight gain: 51.4 lbs. So, down 1.6 lbs. and lower than where I was in at 22w5d.

Exercise: Moving more. My busted knee is mostly healed, which helps. But beyond that, taking off some of the excess fluid has made it easier for me to function, period. There was a time not too long ago when I would barely be able to make it around the grocery store before my back started hurting or I'd get too huffy and puffy. It was scary! But yesterday, I went grocery shopping all by myself for the first time in a while, and I was fine. Didn't even have back pain.

Sleep: Same. Also, I started using this app that tracks my sleep and tells me how many apnea events I have each night. I average between two and four, which is actually pretty great as anything under five is considered "normal."

Food cravings: Carbs, but I'm watching them like the good little gestational diabetic I am.

Symptoms: Burping, farting, and now, a little round ligament pain. I feel SO attractive, I tell you what. On the upside: Had some colostrum leakage from both nips, which apparently is a good sign for those of us who want to put our kid on the boob.

What I'm loving: Reaching 30 weeks. I mean, it's crazy. There was a time I was convinced I'd have pre-eclampsia by 28 weeks. So this? This is huge. And at the risk of jinxing things, I seem to be holding steady. My BP is great on the meds, my sugars are controlled by diet alone, sleep apnea is clearly being treated, and so far I haven't spilled any protein in my urine. I'm starting to think I might actually make it to 36 weeks!

What I'm not loving: The fruitless search for a decent nursing bra. My band size increased slightly, so I'm a 46 now, but my cup size (if you go by measurements alone) puts me at a DDDD/G. Once again, I'm struck by an industry that doesn't seem to think fat women procreate. I'm looking for a bra with thick straps and a wide band that I know will give me support. So far, nothing. (Any suggestions?)

What I'm looking forward to: Childbirth class starts tomorrow, and then I have my first resale event on Saturday. Plus, there's more nesting to be done!

Best moment this week: My surprise shower was last Saturday (and I totally need to write about it). There was this point when I looked around at all of these women who were there for me, who had done so much for me (not just the shower but in life itself), and I felt so completely loved. And then in the same breath, overwhelmed by all of the love. But it was a really beautiful moment, to know that there were so many wonderful ladies that I could count on.

Thursday, September 10, 2015


Baby's size: Squash (butternut or acorn, depending on the site)

Next appointment: 9/17 (had one today, too)

Total weight gain: 53 lbs. So, down 4.4 lbs. and right where I was in week 24. (Thanks, HCTZ!)

Exercise: Even less than usual, thanks to my bustimicated knee.

Sleep: Same.

Food cravings: Bread and cheese. Together.

Symptoms: I have that funny light brown line up and down my belly. And I'm getting super emotional. Oh, and my boobs? They are seriously huge, and not in a good way.

What I'm loving: The 3D ultrasound pics we got today. Best u/s tech ever! We finally got to see the Jellybean's face from multiple angles. Last week, we had a few snaps but he looked like a cartoon character. This time, he looked like a tiny human!

What I'm not loving: Still with the hands. The pain was so bad Monday I kept crying. So, the cardiologist put me back on the HCTZ. Dr. Direct isn't going to like it, but what can I do?

What I'm looking forward to: Lots and lots of baby stuff. We start childbirth classes a week from tomorrow. Next Thursday there's a curriculum night at our future daycare. And my shower is coming up in just a few short weeks, too!

Best moment this week: Seeing his face. It's the cutest little face! I can't stop staring at it.

Thursday, September 3, 2015


Baby's size: Large eggplant.

Next appointment: Today. More u/s and hopefully a 3D one!

Total weight gain: 57.4 lbs. However, I weigh slightly less than I did three weeks ago, so I'm not complaining.

Exercise: Minimal. Still struggling with pain/numbness in legs, not to mention swelling.

Sleep: Decent. Averaging 7-8 hours a night with the CPAP mask.

Food cravings: None.

Symptoms: Burping. Lots and lots of burping.

What I'm loving: Feeling Jellybean more regularly. Sometimes he kicks hard enough that it moves other things. Like, the other night I had my iPad on a pillow on my belly, and he kicked hard enough that the iPad jumped just a little.

What I'm not loving: My hands. They are swollen, stiff, numb, or in pain 100% of the time now, making even routine tasks difficult to complete.

What I'm looking forward to: This weekend. We have plans to do a lot of cleaning/purging in the house, and the closer we get to achieving our goals there, the better I'll feel.

Best moment this week: Last Thursday night I got in the pool for the first time since June...and discovered that preggos float. Like, literally FLOAT. It was crazy. And awesome.