adjustments.

Yesterday I went back to the cardiologist's office and met with her PA. You know how I got all freaked out about my test results? I'm not entirely sure why that happened. According to the PA, I had very mildly elevated pressure in my lungs. When he listened, he heard no fluid. But the edema is still a problem, so he agreed to a short course of HCTZ to try to reduce some of the swelling. I took the pill on the way back to the office and peed my brains out for the rest of the day.

By this morning, I was already down 3.5 lbs.

Guess what hasn't improved, though? HURTY HANDS. They're definitely less swollen - I can actually move the skin on the backs now - but the numbness and pain has somehow INCREASED. I don't get it. Even typing this short post is giving me so. Much. PAIN.

Saw the OB today. She said, "I want you to start getting mentally prepared for not making it full term." Oh, Dr. Direct. I'm so far ahead of you there. I told her my goal was to make it to 36 weeks. This, she thinks, seems reasonable. She did tell me I might have to go on desk rest and work from home at some point. This, too, I was expecting, so NBD.

The good news: Today's BP was 124/81. No protein in my urine. No sugar either. So, even though pre-eclampsia is likely going to happen at some point, it hasn't claimed me yet.

Dr. Direct thinks that I'm still a good candidate for vaginal delivery. This makes me happy. I found out today I can have 4 people in the room with me. So that's good. I can have my placenta for encapsulation. And if I end up needing a C-section, they'll make sure Mr. Hope can't see over the curtain. 

When I talk about drawing up a birth plan, these are the things I'm pretty much talking about. The only thing I forgot to discuss with her was the delayed cord clamping, but we still have time.

Jellybean's heart rate was in the 150s today. He ran from the doppler (again). Dr. Direct said, "He's having fun in there!" I told her how he punches and head-buts me constantly. I am so in for it with this kid.

Tomorrow Mr. Hope and I head out to the shore for a long weekend. Our version of a babymoon. I'm excited to unplug from the world and be in the ocean and spend some alone time with my husband. We need this. Like, badly.

Okay, my hands are giving out. I swear, the pain. THE PAIN. 

More later.

where did the month go?

To the handful of you who follow this blog and worry about me when I am not updating it regularly: I am so incredibly sorry that I keep disappearing.

Four weeks ago today, I got a call from the manager of that freelance project I thought I finished in early June. Her bosses loved the project but wanted some significant changes to it. Me making those changes could lead to bigger opportunities for me, so I agreed to dive in. Only, I had exactly three weeks to make all of those significant changes. Hence the disappearing act.

I finished the project (again) last Monday and have been trying to catch up on life ever since. And then Mini-Hope came to spend the weekend with us - it was a fun visit but my time is never my time when the kiddo is here (not that I'm complaining!).

Suffice it to say: I've been busy.

As of today, I am 26W4D. There has been SO much going on, you guys. So much. I need to go back and fill in my weekly updates, which I write for me more than anyone - they're a great way to keep track of the pregnancy.

But first things first: Jellybean is still 100%, as far as I know. At the last round of ultrasound we got a profile shot of him that was so perfect I kept joking it had to be fake - like stock photography of what an ultrasound is supposed to look like. If I get some time I'll scan it and upload it to a post; that's how perfect it is.

I am not quite as perfect. Okay, I'm kind of a hot mess. As of this morning I am up 64 lbs. total, but the scary part is that 7 of those have found their way onto my gargantuan body in the last four days ALONE. My hands have been extra-special hurty lately, super-swollen and numb and yet riddled with sharp, stabbing pain all at the same time. Oh, and remember how I thought I dodged the gestational diabetes bullet? Yeah, not so much. Even though there were only a few readings above where they were supposed to be, they slapped that label on my fat ass right quick. So now I'm doing finger sticks 4 times a day until I deliver.

But here's the very best part:

A couple of weeks ago I went for an EKG. This is apparently standard with Maternal Fetal Medicine for women who go through IVF. My EKG was clean but when I was at the cardiologist, her student intern thought she heard a slight murmur. So, they sent me for an echocardiogram. During that, they didn't find a murmur but they did find increased lung pressure. The cardiologist called me this past Friday to tell me about that. She said it could be something or it could be nothing and that she wanted to repeat the echo in early September. She didn't sound all that concerned, though.

Fast forward about three hours, when my OB's nurse calls to tell me that I need to be seen next week (as in, this week) because of the cardiologist. I was like, "Um, when I talked to her this morning she seemed like this was NBD. What changed?" The nurse tells me that nothing changed, per se, but they're concerned by the amount of edema I have and are considering putting me on Lasix.

Here's me: "Wait, so you took me off a diuretic because it was dangerous to the baby, and that led to all of these health problems, and now you want to put me back on it? Did it stop being dangerous to the baby?"

Here's her: "Just come in and talk to Dr. Direct."

Can I just tell you how incredibly pissed I was? I mean, seriously. Every single problem leads back to when they had me stop the HCTZ. I went from gaining a total of 9 lbs. in the first trimester to 17 within a single week. I developed high blood pressure. I developed pitting edema in my hands, feet, ankles, calves, and stomach. I developed bilateral carpal tunnel. I developed sleep apnea.

So then I do the Google thing and find out that Lasix is pregnancy Category C. As in, DO NOT TAKE. As in, DANGEROUS TO BABY. But the drug I was on, the HCTZ, is Category B. As in, could be harmful but probably isn't. There's a woman on my super-secret Facebook group who said she took the same drug throughout her entire pregnancy and had exactly zero problems with her baby.

I go back to the cardiologist tomorrow and am prepared to fight them on the Lasix. I refuse to take a drug that has been known to induce spontaneous abortion and infant death. Not after everything I've been through. I'm not even that excited about the possibility of resuming the HCTZ, even though every cell in my body is crying out for a diuretic right now, because I don't want to take anything that could hurt my little Jellybean.

Anyway, so that's the short of what's up with me. I'm behind on my blog writing and I'm behind on my blog reading, because I pretty much suck. Again, my apologies.

More soon - I promise!