Yesterday, I told Cycle Buddy, "I'm scared but also wondering if I just need to fake it until I make it. Like, instead of dreading miscarriage - which is what I did the first time around, even before my first bad beta - I'm going to operate under the assumption that this baby is going to make it. Or babies, as the case may be. (Could I be so lucky? I don't know)."
The answer? Not fucking likely.
Full disclosure: Today's FRER is from a new box , which means a new dye lot. The control line on this one is way less vibrant of those from the last pack. But.
Today's line is lighter. And if not fully lighter, it's at the very least a similar intensity to the one I took yesterday. Definitely a lot lighter than my test from 7dp5dt last time around.
Even if they agree to do the beta draw today, I won't have definitive answers until I get the second beta drawn. With my work schedule, that won't be until Friday unless they let me get it drawn at a local lab.
Yesterday I actually felt pregnant. I was getting hot flashes at work. My energy level crashed around 2:30. I left work a full 15 minutes early so I could take a nap. I hardly ever leave work early. I almost never nap.
I dumped my FMU so that I couldn't waste another test from the other new box I have. I'll just have to wait until tomorrow, to see if another test from the same lot grows any darker.
This sucks on so many levels, I don't even have the words.
UPDATE: I may have been hasty. As the stick dries, the bottom one starts to get a wee bit darker. Not enough to make my racing heart slow, but enough that I don't feel a thousand percent doom and gloom right now.
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Here's hoping they run my hCG today.
UPDATE: I may have been hasty. As the stick dries, the bottom one starts to get a wee bit darker. Not enough to make my racing heart slow, but enough that I don't feel a thousand percent doom and gloom right now.
Here's hoping they run my hCG today.
I think in the top pic they look exactly alike, day 7 is not lighter, then in the bottom pic day 7 is definitely darker!
ReplyDeleteIt was the box! A bad box! This morning it was lighter so I cracked open a new box and it's darker so YAY!
DeleteI am horrible at analyzing lighter or darker, but they are definitely not squinter lines. I can see them very easily! May this be a sticky bean(s) for you!!
ReplyDeleteThank you! Today's test is much darker (well, the one from the new box). So I'm breathing a little easier now.
DeleteI agree with Marianne. And with a new box/new lot...its sort of like starting over. The lines might not get too much darker each day but compare every second day and things will look better! I used frers every second day and internet cheapies once or twice a day and I couldn't really see the cheapies getting darker until I had about 6 of them! But every second day with the frers gave a more obvious darkening line. Hope they do your beta! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteIT WAS THE BOX! A new box produced a much darker result. I'm going to contact the manufacturer and see if they'll send me a replacement box. With all the money I've spent, they owe me!
DeleteCongratulations and don't freak out right now! I have found that there are so many factors that contribute to the intensity of the line that they're not extremely reliable (but I pee over and over as well). I've found that its much more telling to look at sticks every other day. Theoretically they should be doubling every 30-48 hours anyway.
ReplyDeleteGood luck to you and I pray that this is your opportunity!
(BTW: I stumbled across your blog recently when I was going through a situation similar to yours...small gestational sac. Your story helped me come to terms with our situation, so thank you.)
I wish I had the willpower to test every other day. Last time around, I was able to do that after a certain point, but early on, you know, you just want to make sure Things Are Still Happening.
DeleteI just clicked over to your blog and read through the past few posts. There's so much I want to say to you right now, but the biggest one is that I know the heartbreak you're going through and I am so incredibly sorry. I will write more later. For now, know that I am thinking of you and sending love your way. <3