But today was the tipping point. The test line got darker than the control line. This is what I love. I love watching the progression, and I love it when there's so much hCG in my system that the test line sucks up all the dye.
I am sick. I know this.
I am okay with it.
Finally broke out my remaining Clearblue Digital. Pregnant 2-3, it tells me. I'm glad I waited. Last time it was Pregnant 1-2. At least it's something new.
WHO AM I? Seriously. Sick.
Last night, even before the PIO shot, my boobs were really tender and my nips hypersensitive. Y'all know how I love my symptoms. There's still a little light cramping and pressure over my groin area. That's my big "tell." The chin zits are gone but that's one symptom I don't mind seeing go away.
Last night Mr. Hope and I went out to dinner with Fig and her husband. It was the first time our spouses had met. Double dating with other couples is a new thing for Mr. Hope and me. But we like it. It's nice for Mr. Hope to socialize with people who aren't on their computers. Plus, it's always nice to have an excuse to put on a skirt and go out to dinner. We are such homebodies, Mr. Hope and I.
So we went out to dinner at a restaurant I love and had this amazing meal and good conversation and lots of laughs, and then I came home and got shot up with progesterone and passed out on the couch within the hour. Such is my glamorous life.
I am doing a decent job of not obsessing about the pregnancy. But last night, before I crashed out on the couch, I had this weird compulsion to Google "miscarriage 8 weeks." A lot of women post pictures of their miscarriage. I was horrified when I stared my own miscarriage in the face, but for whatever reason I find this odd comfort in looking at pictures of these tiny, gummy bear-shaped embryos. It's only the second time I've done this - looked at those pictures - and I know I should be horrified and want to look away but I don't. Is this acceptance? I can't explain it.
What I do know is that I was looking at these pictures on my iPad when Mr. Hope was in the bathroom, and when he came out I closed my browser window faster than if I'd been looking at porn. So there must be some shame there on my part. Right? Something to discuss with Quirky when I see her next.