the mind fuck that is my body.

Went to Posh Clinic today for blood work and scan (a.k.a. the transvag probe we infertiles get to know so so well). I think I've mentioned before that the clinic is a good 45-minute drive without traffic, so I usually book my appointments for about 10 a.m. That way, I'm driving up after the morning rush hour but will be on my way home before the afternoon one. Even so, every time I go up for a blood draw and probe, it's roughly a 2.5- to 3-hour time commitment.

One of my favorite nurses was the one doing the scan. At Posh Clinic, the nurse hands you a piece of paper and a pen has you write the numbers down. First thing she says is, "You've got a lot going on here." I have no response for that, beyond basic curiosity.

She tells me my lining is at 6, which seems thin for CD8, but maybe I'm wrong? Then she starts reading off the numbers of the follicles:

14
13
11
12
12

Come again?

I say, "Uh, that's better than when I stim."

She says, "I was thinking the same thing."

But we have to wait for blood work, of course, because they could be leftover follies, or empty ones. So I drive the 45 minutes home and wait for the phone to ring.

And wait.

And wait.

And wait some more.

Finally, at 3:15, I get the call. My estrogen is elevated, but not enough to support the five follies. My LH is low, so it's not like I'm about to ovulate. Results = inconclusive. Dr. Smiles wants me back in a week to repeat the bloods and scan.

I start doing the math in my head. If I ovulate between now and next Friday, then I can start my estrogen priming ASAP. That would put me at baseline around November 21st, stimming until roughly December 5th, and doing the retrieval and then transfer shortly after. Meaning, I'd squeak in just before Christmas.

But if I don't ovulate between now and next Friday, or I have unresolved follies, I'll most likely go on hiatus until after Christmas.

I DO NOT WANT TO GO ON HIATUS. I HAVE BEEN ON HIATUS SINCE MARCH.

I just want to get going already.

Haven't I waited long enough?