matched.

My anxiety level has been through the roof the past couple of days, but this morning - OH MY GOD, this morning. All I wanted was for the UnproRepro to confirm that the embies we'd selected were officially ours. I started checking my email at 7 a.m. sharp, and placed the first phone call at 7:20. No answer. Left a voice mail.

I tried to call again right before I left for work. This time, I didn't leave a message. Hit refresh on my email a few dozen times. Then I tried emailing again, this time to make sure she had both my work and cell phone numbers. This was around 9:30 a.m. Again, no answer.

Around this time, Mr. Hope and I are starting to exchange worried emails with each other. Why wasn't the UnproRepro getting back to us? Had she given our embies away? Was she waiting to reply as payback for what went down on Friday?

I hit refresh on my email again and again and again. Every time a new message popped up I got really excited and then, when I realized it was just Mr. Hope, I deflated all over again.

At 11:30-ish, I called and left a second voice mail. Mr. Hope said he was going to call, too, but I asked him to wait until at least 1. I felt kind of awful and stalkery. And of course, jittery. Shaky. I couldn't focus on anything, my heart was racing, and I actually broke down and took half a tablet of anti-anxiety meds. I can count on one hand the number of times I've had to do that at work. Ever.

Around noon, one of my favorite co-workers, Patience, came by to go out to lunch. I was grateful for the distraction. We went to our favorite bagel shop, the one with the good soup. As we sat down to eat, I checked my email on my phone.

And there it was. Her reply.

Finally.

With questions answered, I quickly forwarded her the signed, scanned acceptance form I'd emailed to myself earlier that morning. 

Eight minutes later, she wrote back: "Received, thank you!"

Confirmation.

Just like that, the four embryos were ours. 

At that moment, every fiber in my body relaxed. My heart rate returned to normal. In fact, after the yummy cup of roasted red pepper bisque and toasted pumpkin bagel, I felt downright sleepy.

It's crazy to me that just 72 hours ago, I was actually disappointed that the UnproRepro hadn't sent me more profiles to review, or that even 48 hours ago I was still trying to figure out the whole How do you know? thing. 

This morning, I knew. I don't know why, exactly; I just did.

Our embryos.

Ours.