Mini-Hope is visiting for the weekend. She inherited her father's sensitivity to wheat and/or gluten, but refuses to give up refined flour. So, of course, she woke up with an upset tummy (mac-n-cheese does that to the wheat and/or gluten insensitive) and immediately took up residence in our small ranch house's one tiny bathroom.
You can probably guess what happens next.
When I wake up in the morning, I make a beeline for the bathroom. I did this even before I was pregnant, but now that I am with child, my bladder is even more sensitive. I HAVE TO PEE, DAMN IT.
Only, I can't, because there's Mini-Hope.
I go back into the bedroom and say to Mr. Hope, "You're going to have to build me another bathroom."
He asks if I knocked on the door to let Mini-Hope know I have to use the bathroom, too. I didn't, because she embarrasses easily. But five minutes later, I can't afford to spare her feelings. I knock and say, "Hey, Mini-Hope. You almost done in there?"
"No," is her plaintive, 10-year-old response.
I say, "Okay, but remember - we only have the one bathroom, and I need to go, too."
She doesn't respond. I putter around the house. Feed Precious Pup. Put away some things in the kitchen. Try to forget that my bladder is a ginormous balloon about to pop.
I go back into our bedroom. "So about that second bathroom...."
And then we hear it. The glorious flush of the toilet.
When Mini-Hope emerges, she's clutching her stomach. "You feeling okay?" I ask.
"No," she tells me. "My stomach really hurts."
So I don't go into the bathroom. I go into the kitchen to get her a small glass of ginger ale.
Which is when Mr. Hope takes it upon himself to use my bathroom and take the world's longest pee.
When he emerges, I duck in...only to discover the roll of TP is almost used up. I go to the linen closet. No extra rolls of TP.
"Hope!" I say. "There's no toilet paper! Go be a husband and GET ME SOME."
At which point I'm finally allowed to relieve myself - literally twenty minutes after first waking up.
Did I mention that I really, really, really need a second bathroom?