Monday, April 27, 2015

smile and wave, jellybean. smile and wave.

Everything is absolutely perfect.

Jellybean measured 26 mm, which is one or two ahead of what they were expecting today. The baby is 9w4d today; the day/week measurement is 9w2d but Jellybean has been running 2-4 days behind the whole time. Today's heart rate was 169, and everything looks perfect.

K, the u/s tech we love, pointed out that Jellybean's arm was moving. YOU GUYS, THE BABY WAVED AT US. I thought Mr. Hope and I were going to start blubbering right there. We could see its big ol' head, its much-smaller body, its little arms and legs... Seriously, I felt like my heart was exploding.

It wasn't until I was getting dressed that Mr. Hope said, "She didn't say anything about the bleed!" I was like, "Oh, yeah, the bleed." And then, when we saw Dr. Smiles, he confirmed that the bleed is gone. I am off restrictions! We could even have sex if we wanted to, though later Mr. Hope and I decided it was better to wait until 13 weeks. (I said "better" not "easier," mind you.)

Mr. Hope told Dr. Smiles that the baby waved at us. Smiles said, "That wasn't his arm, that was his penis, flapping in the wind. Feel proud yet?" Seriously, I love my doctor. He's so weird, but in the best possible way.

As we left his office, I hugged him. I couldn't help it. I was bursting with happiness.

We go back next Monday for our final u/s at Posh Clinic, at which point we'll be released to the OB. We see her the following week, on a Tuesday.

Driving home from work, I was sort-of crying. Not sad crying - more like happy crying. I am so relieved. And grateful. And it's all so overwhelming, after all this time. 

It occurs to me that this is how "normal" preggos must feel. Happy. There is a baby growing inside of them. If they've never had a loss, they aren't really thinking about whether or not one will happen. They're thinking about the life inside of them, growing bigger and stronger every day. Dreaming of its future, of the life they will give birth to in a comparatively short number of months. They aren't fearing loss at every turn. Holding their breath for days at a time.

Or maybe they are. I don't know. All I know is that our little Jellybean looks fabulous. 

Today, I am happy. 

Happy!

13 comments:

  1. Awwwwwwwwww baby love!!! I remember those, OMGosh the early ultrasounds were always met with baited breath. No really, all of them were, but once you feel the baby moving all the time, the ultrasounds are a lot less sanity needed and more fun. I realized with my last baby, that I went in cycles. First cycle was until the first ultrasound to see the fetal pole, then the heartbeat .... once I saw the heartbeat, I could take a deep sigh of relief. Then it was making it to 12-13 weeks ... the "hurdle" to a more stable time in pregnancy.... less likely to have a miscarriage. From there it was making it to 24 weeks, viable baby, if anything happened. Then 30 weeks, much better odds! Only 10 weeks left. Then making it past 33 weeks when I had my first premature baby. Then 36 weeks which is "any time now" territory. And then holding your breath until birth and their first breath, their first cry.... and going home with the little bundle of joy. I've had 16 miscarriages, they tend to make you not only appreciate what you have when you have it, but fret through the whole pregnancy. You know all those little things that can go wrong and you aren't naive about it at all like most first time parents are. Congrats!!! The waves are the BEST!

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    1. Yes! This is it exactly. Setting short-term "goals" (for lack of a better word), passing those milestones, trucking along. We lost our first pregnancy between weeks 8 and 9. To see Jellybean thriving at 9.5 weeks cleared a MAJOR hurdle for me emotionally. Now I'm looking forward to next week, graduating from the RE, and then the 13-week mark.

      And wow, 16 miscarriages? The strength you must have... I'm very sorry for all of your losses.

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  2. Replies
    1. :: grin ::

      Still waiting for you to update, lady!

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  3. Woo Hoo!! I am doing happy cartwheels (in my head of course) for you and Mr. Hope! Also, I think I love your Dr too!!

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    1. I know, isn't he the best? And thank you!

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  4. Congratulations!
    I'm hoping everything will be smooth sailing going forward.

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  5. My husband wasn't with me during my second u/s at 7w4or5d so he missed the little gummy-being waving and flipping at me. He was disappointed, too. He went to the "first" one (I had one the day before because of the gush of blood but he couldn't make that one but had scheduled to be at our first official one) and it was so amazing to share that with him. I remember seeing the gummy-being and thinking, THAT is growing inside of ME! It was so amazing because it's still so tiny but you know it's there. It's the best secret because you aren't showing but you are carrying life and no one looking at you from the outside knows what a miracle you are harboring in there. Great news about the bleed, too! The next scan will be even more amazing to you. There's so much growth in the beginning...it will take your breath away. Yay for a great appointment!

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    1. The first time I read this comment I thought you said the gummy bear was flipping you off. For reals.

      I had that amazing thought, too. I was in a meeting that went 30 minutes over and I had a little twinge, like I still get from time to time, and I remembered the wave and I just couldn't stop smiling. They probably thought I was losing my isht.

      I'm both looking forward to and dreading the next scan. Dreading only because I woke up this morning with zero boob pain and I know you already know where I'm going with this and yeah. But if I get to see another wave? Totally worth it.

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  6. That's so wonderful!! I'm glad that you got a nice "hello" from jellybean!! And your doctor sounds hilarious :)

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    1. He really is. And he's handsome! It's like hanging out with Clooney.

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