Thursday, September 25, 2014

you've got to be kidding me.

Last night I started to feel a little crampy, like I do when I ovulate. Only, I'm fairly certain I ovulated a week ago Wednesday (I tend to feel my ovulation). Foolishly, and like most women who want a baby really, really badly, I had a fleeting thought about implantation cramps. But then I put it out of my mind.

Today was one of those days that was just good, plain and simple. Ever since Mr. Hope and I made the decision to pursue embryo adoption at the same time we are going through our third and final IVF with our own genetic material, I've felt happier and more at peace than I have in ages. And even though my job is totally cray cray right now, and tensions are super-high in the office, today just felt light.

So there I was, laughing with some coworkers and marveling at this more-than-bearable lightness when WHAM.

I discover I am bleeding.

On cycle day (CD) 18.

A full seven days before my period is due.

What. the. fuck.

Before my fellow infertiles/baby-hungry mamas-to-be even think  the words "implantation bleeding," you should know that A) it was bright scarlet and B) there was more there than could comfortably be considered spotting.

Thus began frequent bathroom trips to monitor said bleeding. Thin, watery scarlet turned to even thinner pink. Then it turned a darker cherry and got slightly thicker before retreating back to watery scarlet or pink. I only see it when I wipe or check my cervix. It's not even enough to warrant a pad.

My boobs aren't sore, and when I took my temp tonight it was 97.6 (my luteal temps average between 98.0 and 99.8, though I'm not an official temper because it just seems like too much of a hassle). So, really, all signs are pointing to this:

I got my mofo period ON CYCLE DAY 18.

I have never in my whole life and 26 years of menses had a cycle this short. Ever. And, coming on the heels of my last cycle - in which my period arrived a full 9 days late and was so super-light that I actually took a couple of pregnancy tests afterward (cheapie Wondfo strips so as not to break the bank) - I can't help but think: Is this it?

Am I hurtling toward menopause a full year and some change before I turn 40?

Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?

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