beta #1 :: 12dp5dt :: 4w3d

A new NP did my beta draw today. Well, new to me, anyway. I told her I knew the test was going to be positive - that I'd been getting positive test for a week.

"Are they getting darker?" she asked.

I told her yes. "Today, the test line was darker than the control line. Just a little, but still."

See how the intensity flipped between yesterday and today? I've been waiting for the test line to get darker than the control. Maybe now I'll stop peeing on things.

Then I asked, "So what kind of number are we looking for here?"

"Dr. Smiles likes to see over 100 for the first beta. If it's under 500, we'll bring you back for a second. If it's over 500, you graduate to the medical side of the practice."

I spent the rest of the morning researching average betas for 12dp5dt. Looking at positive FRERs for 12dp5dt. Trying to guess from other people's pee sticks what my beta might be.

I was hoping for 200-300.

You can imagine how shocked I was when I got the call at 1:37 p.m., and New NP said, "Congratulations, your beta was 508 today."

My jaw nearly hit the floor, I tell you what.

She started telling me that they were graduating me to the other side, and that I'd need to call and make an appointment for blood work and an ultrasound next week. She told me to stop taking my estrace once I finished this prescription. She wished me luck.

I started crying long before I hung up. But after our call ended, I really started bawling.

I know that a strong beta doesn't mean a guaranteed successful pregnancy. But still. The relief I felt. It's not all in my head. I'm pregnant. There is a tiny human (or two) growing inside of me.

Mr. Hope was out of reach. Why? Why? Why? I reported the results to a long list of people: the BFF and Gumbo. My aunt. My mom's best friend. My sisters in infertility. My super-secret FB group.

I added in a few people from my old, in-person Resolve group - women who really helped me through those first early days of my IF diagnosis. And also my best friend from grad school, the one with whom I used to dream of our kids playing together. Only she had her daughter almost 14 years ago, and I'm just getting started now.

When I finally got to talk to Mr. Hope, he kept saying, "Congratulations! Congratulations!" and I was like, "Um, honey, this is your baby, too, you know."

He cried a few tears himself.

Now I'm waiting for him to get home from work so I can hug him.

It's a moment four years in the making.